Sleep patterns are so fucked up. Woke up this morning at 3:30. Forced myself back to sleep. Slept until 4:15 and was up. Eyes opened like I drank an entire pot of coffee. Not going to lie as much as I like waking up early and having time to myself this is getting to be a bit ridiculous.
Yesterday I had a friend come into the shop to pick up some shirts. We talked a little about training and life. When he left I thought to myself “for the first time since I’ve known him, he is carrying more muscle than me” I texted him later and asked him about his weight. Turns out we weigh the same. But he is in a much bigger shirt. Don’t know if that means I am leaner than he is or if he has more muscle. Part of me was really happy for him. The other part was bitter as fuck that I have had to take all the time off that I did, had to diet so much and that I am no where near where I should be.
Week 1 with the new coach went well. I dropped 7.lbs from Wednesday to Sunday. Body fat has come back down to the low 15’s. I am feeling pretty good for the most part. The hardest part for me right now is the diet. My coach dropped my cardio completely and increased my food a little this week. I am hoping I will see a little bit of muscle growth from it. I am struggling with my meals. Never thought I’d say this but I don’t like lean ground beef any more.
I am having a mental dilemma in all of this. Now that my body is leaner than it has ever been, I just want to stop dieting and eat for growth. I know I am not where I want to be. I know I have a good bit to go, but after a while this shit just gets old and you don’t want to do it anymore.
The worst part in all of this for me is knowing that I will have to maintain this clean eating/lifestyle my entire life if I don’t want to get fat again. One can only enjoy certain foods for so long. After a while we all just want to eat sugary junk and fast food. I find myself struggling with the urge to binge lately. Knowing it is bad and can do a number on my body and progress, yet in my head I start looking for ways to justify it.
My point in all of this. Is we all have our moments of weakness. When. I go through this I get on Instagram and start looking at photos of people who look how I want to look and remind myself of my goals. I also look at where I was when I started and remind myself that I don’t want to ever look like that. Or have to go through this again.
Comments are closed